Testing...one, two, three, four?

For every fertility-challenged woman out there, her time is broken down into four weeks.

Week 1: This includes day 1 and hence confirmation that you are NOT pregnant. Before I had the toddler I used this week to drink wine and complain and cry out all of my frustration. Now that I have a kid and the frustration is diluted, I use this week to "stay positive" and regroup and re-strategize. This makes no sense to most of you, but there are about 1,000 blogs out there giving you new tips on what to eat, what not to eat, what to drink and not drink, what vitamins to take, etc. I review some of these during week 1, peruse my Fertility Diet Book (that I have yet to strictly follow - she has this whole thing against potatoes that confounds me; have you ever heard of the Irish having problems with fertility?), and promise to work out more and eat better.

Week 2: This is the big ovulation week. This week entails taking an ovulation kit with you to work so that you can test mid-day, (when it works best, how convenient!) wait for the day in which the smiley-face appears (which will tell you your the best 2-3 days) and, well, you know.

Week 3: This is the week where I tell myself that I'm probably not pregnant, but that I could be, and so I won't drink wine and I'll lay off caffeine. I only cheat if I go to O'Henry's, and it doesn't really count if good coffee is involved.

Week 4: Could I? Couldn't I? Should I test beforehand? What if I get a false negative? What if I'm pregnant now? (This question entails a visit to babycenter.com to check due dates, fantasize about what a November, December, January due date would be like, etc.). These questions will often lead to: When would I tell people? How would I tell people? (I already have this set for parents and in-laws, which will be really fun if it EVER happens. The best laid plans...).

And so, here I am, stuck in the middle of week 4, having the "should I test or shouldn't I test" debate.

The options:

To test: This is kind of like ripping off the band aid. You go ahead and take the test, and for 3 minutes all of your hopes and dreams bubble into your heart and you wait with bated breath to see the outcome. When the eventual negative result is revealed, you tell yourself that it wasn't meant to be and that you'd rather have a nice Thanksgiving anyways, and whatever other stupid reason you can come up with as to why you're not that disappointed.

Not to test: This leaves you wondering for days (sometimes SEVERAL days if you are not a dependable 28-day gal, which I am not) wondering ifs or if nots at any point in the day when you're not busy. I sometimes find myself surprised that I haven't thought about it in a few hours, only to lead to more thinking. Then, mother nature taps you on the shoulder and says, "Why dear, you're not pregnant after all. Now, let's get on with your day and start week 1 again, okay? Stay positive! Regroup! Re-strategize! You're just 34. You have plenty of time left."

My name is Jaime, and I hate week 4 most of all.